Santa's answer to fat thighs, dream jobs and dreamy men!
Can’t say I have been a really good girl this year but that is where you come in. I could be extremely good next year if you would please assist with the following:
- Self control, please grant me the will power to say no to all sugar, alcohol and anything that tastes really yummy from now on.
- Perfect skin, so I don’t have to worry about all these wrinkles and hide under tonnes of make-up (which by the way takes up so much time I could be spending at the gym, in theory anyway).
- Thinner thighs, I promise I won’t focus on my fat bum if you could just turn down my thighs a few notches.
- Smarter, just need a little more intelligence so I don’t feel so awkward in front of new people, in fact, could you make me really interesting this year so I have lots to talk about so people like me?
- Would love to be more cool, so that people think I am the bees knees (Then I will stop using uncool phrases like bees knees)
- More self control, this ties in to number 1 and 4, pleasestop me checking my iphone everyother minute, Facebook every 8 minutes, watching hours of reality TV and generally feelinga need to fill every moment of my day, maybe I need a puppy? Thoughts?
- Work, this is a big one Santa. I hate my job but don’t know what else to do so please can you give me a really amazing job that I love to do. I’m not fussy, just something that pays big bucks, gives back to society and makes me feel good about myself.
- Last thing I promise, if you could please send a really gorgeous man my way, one that wants to get married, have lots of
- babies and grow old together that would simply be wonderful!
My deepest thanks dear Santa,
My apologies butI really only specialise in toys however, you should speak to someone about your wishes, I don’t think they lie outside of your control. You just need some guidance to help you get there, all these wishes are down to you. So maybe you could try:
- You don’t need self control, just self love.
- They are Wisdom Lines, not wrinkles.
- Do you thighs not carry you around this world? Then show a little more respect!
- Turn off your phone, open a book and read. Old fashioned but it works.
- Discover what you love and then build a career around it. I was faced with much negative scepticism when I announced I wanted to fly around the world one night a year delivering presents but I stood by my word and here I am today. Believe you are worth an enjoyable career, because you are.
- Puppy? A Man? There is only one person that needs your attention right now and that is you!
- No need to be a good girl either, just give yourself permission to be the best version of yourself in 2013.
Much Love, Santa Claus